Drop vs Ocean

I wonder how one drop of water must be feeling in a vast ocean.. a part of something big.. or like something invisible, minuscule? It is said that each drop combined together makes an ocean.. but when you see the combination of drops, where does the identity of each drop go? It is kind of engulfed by the identity of the ocean..

So what is big? A drop or the ocean which is made by the drop? I think the answer lies in the seeker's mind.. neither the drop nor the ocean cares who is bigger, stronger? For all we know, they just exist..

Feeling of Superiority is a human vice. Some may argue it is a virtue. But I think it is a vice. The race to be superior to someone to some other species has helped us evolve into human beings.

The drop disappears when it meets the ocean. It looses its identity. It becomes one with the ocean. When human meets a group of people, the race begins to establish supremacy. To show everyone how one person is better than the group.

From where does this feeling arise? I guess this is again something that we as humans have been blessed (or cursed) with..

Anyway.. a little deep for friday morning I guess..

Signing off for now..

More late..

Ta-Ta..

Sadness

I lost my friend..

More than a year ago, I lost my friend who was fighting cancer. I was keeping on and off touch with him when he was fighting the dreaded disease with his family - his wife, his parents, his brother, sis-in-law, grandma among others..

I went and stayed with him for a day.. we spoke as if nothing was wrong.. he showed me his marriage pictures, I gave him my marriage invitation and left only with a promise that he will attend my marriage..

He did not make it to my marriage.. I thought of calling him and checking up with him as he was one of the guys whom I expected to come.. but I couldn't call .. post marriage things just took their toll on my health.. besides I had to come back to work..

Anyway.. a couple of months later, I get a text message with the information that I lost my friend..

I was taken aback..to the day when I had just known him as a scholar who dismisses mediocrity in life and hides his ego in sultry dry humor.. not a people friendly person in the first meet.. but by the time you meet him again.. and that is if he chooses to allow - you with your insincerities-- in his life.. you can never get enough of him..

An entire stretch of 7 years just flashed in front of my eyes.. refusing to accept the fact, I called his brother (same number from which I got the text).. he confirmed.. and I couldn't talk to him once .. even once before he breathed his last breath..

I was sad.. I still am.. I will most definitely will be sad for rest of my life..

Why? What is grief? Why does someone's absence from one's life, leave us sad? Why does anything make us sad, for that matter?

As is the norm these days, I googled grief.. I was promptly directed to Kubler-Ross Model - 5 stages of grief..

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance..

These are the ways to deal with grief or what to do when someone conveys a Sad news to you..

But why does anything make us sad? I mean, besides the obvious fact that it is not what you expect, why does anything, make you sad.. what is sadness?

Can someone explain?

Again, GTR - Google To Rescue..

As per, wordnetweb, sadness is an emotion experienced when not in state of well-being..

Maybe.. but I feel there is a little more to it.. other than the chemical / hormonal changes that happen in our body, when we are "sad", there is more psychological and physiological meaning to being sad..

We are sad because we choose to be sad.. because we feel that we are helpless in the situation.. it is human tendency to be in control.. to feel that one can help.. one has to feel needed.. feel loved..

People feel sad when they feel that no one cares about how they feel.. Hmm.. Interesting..

May be thats why loneliness is kind of a step to being sad..

So why do we feel sad when we they loose someone.. thats again because they feel helpless.. and at the same time.. they feel that "It could have been worse, it could have been me"..

I feel that many times.. Things could be worse.. And I feel the main reason for being sad is that people tend to put themselves in hypothetical situations and imagine worst that can happen..

So what to do to avoid this ??

Is there anything one can do to avoid this? NOPE.. There is nothing that needs to be done.. studies have suggested that this feeling of sadness is an important process in human evolution..

However, there is something that can be done to come out of this phase relatively less painfully - Engage into something... something that will take your mind off the event..

A simple guitar melody could help to lift your spirit up.. pull yourself to pick-up the old stringer and just play some chords..

A phone call to a sadder friend can help you feel lucky.. and take your mind off the grief you are in and focus on something / someone sadder..

Having more vulnerable people around also help.. if you have a relative or friend who cries alot.. and is very "sentimental" having him/her around also helps.. because you tend to put things in right perspective for him/her.. and at the same time.. keeping your own focus..

Anyway.. This is what I did.. I still feel sad.. I denied my friend's death.. I tried to argue with God on why he..I felt bad for his new wife.. felt bad for his parents, for his grandma.. for his elder brother.. I saw myself lying in the hospital bed.. DEAD...

I have accepted the fact that he is not going to send me any email ever.. he is not going to pass a snide sarcastic remark when I call him to get some sympathy on my mediocre life.. he is not going to ... he is not..

I will miss him.. I will always love him..